If your girlfriend is pregnant, start by listening, asking what support she needs, and helping her connect with a healthcare professional. You may feel surprised, worried, or unsure what to say. You don’t need to have every answer to be a caring, dependable partner.
CAPS offers free, confidential pregnancy services in San Diego. These practical steps can help you support her, understand your options, and take care of yourself along the way.
1. Process Your Emotions
Whether you’re feeling excited, scared, or overwhelmed, take a breath before responding. You might say, “I’m still processing this, but I’m here to listen. How are you feeling?”
You don’t have to solve everything in the first conversation. Give each other room to process while helping her arrange timely medical care.
2. Be Honest About Your Feelings
Share your feelings honestly, and make space for hers. Ask what matters most to her before offering advice. You can talk through questions like these without expecting immediate answers:
- What hopes or concerns do you each have about the future?
- What questions do you have about abortion and her health?
- What would you like to understand about adoption?
- What practical support would help with housing, finances, school, work, or raising a child?
She may be sorting through many emotions too. Listen without interrupting or trying to fix everything. Ask before sharing her pregnancy news with anyone else.
3. Understand Your Pregnancy Options
Learning about abortion, adoption, and parenting can help you have a thoughtful conversation. Offer to explore information together, while respecting her privacy and her healthcare decisions.
- Abortion. If you’re considering abortion, get all the facts. Understand California abortion law as well as the methods and risks and side effects of the procedure. You should also encourage her to receive an ultrasound to determine how far along she is and whether she’s at risk for a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy (more on that below).
- Adoption. If you both feel that you’re not ready to be parents but aren’t comfortable with abortion, adoption could be right for you. We can refer you to our trusted adoption partners to explain the process. Ask a qualified adoption professional about each birth parent’s rights and responsibilities. Learning about adoption does not require making a commitment.
- Parenting. If both of you are open to parenting, talk about what raising a child could look like and what support would help. Consider housing, childcare, school or work, finances, and the people you can count on. You do not need to have everything figured out before asking for help.
If you want to be a parent but aren’t sure where to start, consider visiting CAPS. We provide free parenting classes, so you can prepare for parenthood. Call or text us at 619-337-8080 to learn more.
If you disagree, keep the conversation respectful. Avoid threats, ultimatums, or pressure. You can share your perspective while respecting that her medical care requires her consent.
4. Make Sure She Gets the Care She Needs
Ask how you can help her get care, whether that means arranging transportation, writing down questions, or attending an appointment if she wants you there. You can start by encouraging her to receive an ultrasound to determine how far along she is and whether her pregnancy is viable.
What is Gestational Age?
It’s important to know how far along she is (also known as gestational age), as abortion is legal up until viability (approximately 24 weeks) in California.[1][2]
Additionally, the abortion pill can’t be taken past 10 weeks of pregnancy.[3]
What Can an Early Ultrasound Tell Her?
An early ultrasound can help identify a pregnancy inside the uterus, estimate gestational age, and detect cardiac activity when it is visible.
For example, at about 5 to 6 weeks gestation, the embryo should have a detectable heartbeat.[4] The goal is to rule out a nonviable pregnancy, such as a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy—in either case, abortion isn’t needed, and she can move forward with the appropriate medical care.
CAPS provides free ultrasounds to women who receive positive pregnancy tests at our center. Call or text us at 619-337-8080 to schedule an appointment today.
*Important note: Please be aware that this article is not meant to substitute for medical advice or treatment. The purpose of our limited ultrasound exams is to identify a pregnancy inside the uterus, detect the fetal heartbeat, and estimate how far along you are. If there is no detectable heartbeat, it may indicate a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy is occurring. If we cannot detect a fetal heartbeat during your appointment, we will provide appropriate referrals for follow-up care and treatment.
5. Be There for Her Physically and Emotionally
Ask what support would be most helpful, and follow through on what you offer. Her needs may change over time. For example:
- If you choose abortion, offer practical and emotional support without judgment. Help her follow her healthcare provider’s aftercare instructions and contact that provider about concerning symptoms.
- If you choose adoption, listen to her hopes and concerns. Offer to attend meetings if invited, and encourage questions about the process, available support, and each birth parent’s legal rights.
- If you choose to continue the pregnancy, help with everyday tasks and support her in arranging prenatal care. Attend appointments if she invites you, and discuss practical plans for pregnancy and life after birth.
Consistent, thoughtful actions can help her feel supported. Respect her boundaries and keep checking in about what she needs.
6. Take Care of Yourself Too
Your feelings matter too. Make time for rest, regular meals, and healthy ways to manage stress. Taking care of yourself can help you be more present and dependable.
It’s crucial to surround yourself with a supportive community that will help you feel more prepared. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talk to someone you trust and respect. They may be able to provide the practical advice, insight, and encouragement you need to make grounded decisions.
Your Girlfriend is Pregnant? We’re Here to Help.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Consider visiting CAPS. We provide free resources and support for men facing unplanned pregnancies. Our advocates and mentors are here to equip you to be the best partner you can be and make an informed decision together.
Give us a call or text us at 619-337-8080 or schedule your appointment online. All services are free and confidential.
Sources
- Executive Department, State of California. (2019, May 31). Proclamation on Reproductive Freedom. https://www.gov.ca.gov/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Proclamation-on-Reproductive-Freedom.pdf
- Breborowicz, G. (2001, January). Limits of fetal viability and its enhancement. U.S. National Library of Medicine. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11753511/
- Center for Drug Evaluation and Research. (2023, March 23). Mifeprex (Mifepristone). U.S. Food and Drug Administration. https://www.fda.gov/drugs/postmarket-drug-safety-information-patients-and-providers/mifeprex-mifepristone-information
- Fetal Development. Cleveland Clinic. (2023, March 3). https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/7247-fetal-development-stages-of-growth